“Let the world be ugly, so that I will miss nothing. Or let the world be beautiful, so that I may remember.”

RAY/Rachel Tan HX, 18

Hey everyone, my name is Rachel and I am finally putting up her first blog post!

First of all, happy new year 2020! I am glad to start my blog in such an auspicious year. I made sure my first page went up on the 1st of January, I laid and checked the foundation a thousand times, I even went as far as to curate some supportive words from my family and friends…… before I finally relent today by writing this first blog post. All these are to be a stern reminder of the eyes who have witnessed the birth of Rachel’s Truth, so that I will not fall behind and give up on this blog easily 😛

As I have mentioned in my About Me section (read About The Author), I am currently working as a sales promoter at a mall nearby. Here’s a photo of a cute rat plush toy decoration at our permanent kiosk!

Even more than a month later, I find it hard to adapt to the drastic change in atmosphere after I finished sitting for my major exam, SPM on the 27th of November, a very significant day, where we had heard screams of joy from our peers coming from the adjacent block as an examiner collected our completed Physics paper 3. The two month long exam and the wait for our supposed freedom was unbearable – I remember not being able to believe how long the wait felt. It is nothing like UPSR or PT3, where your exam is all crammed up and done in one week. SPM feeds you the sour plums in a painfully slow way, so the taste lingers on your tongue. Every time there will be a mad cram of two or three papers in a single day, then you get a few days of no exams… you are drowsy and confused, you lose track of time and forget your waking hours.

Finally, 27 November comes and you can hardly believe it! But then you remember your parents are strict, and at least in my case, an exam completed does not always lead to requests fulfilled.

What do I wish for? I love skirts, warm food on a cold day, and little pretty things that don’t cost much; but if you ask me, my greatest, most desperate yearning would probably be for new experiences. During SPM, although I was told not to get distracted, I had a tiny manual countdown to the 27th at the top of a piece of paper, with an entire list of 58 things I wanted to do below it. Out of the list, about three quarters of it began with the words “try”, “learn”, “go”, “do” and “volunteer”.

If I want to learn dancing, it is not because dancing will make me look cool, but because it will expand my social circle and improve my confidence. If I want to attend community events, it is not because I don’t like being at home with family, but because I want to see and experience new things, open my eyes to interesting and bizarre sights, and meet people from all walks of life.

My parents mostly frown upon me from doing anything that requires getting out of the house. They say my priority now should still be my future studies even if SPM is done, and I agree with that wholeheartedly; but they do not understand how very much I need all these, to enhance my confidence in interacting with other people, which will eventually bring to life the energy I require to see studying as learning. I want to learn to feel more comfortable in my own skin, which I know will also directly smoothen the tedious process of studying.

My thirst for a new experience was so strong, however, that I decided to make sure at least one came true. I managed to squeeze in some time alongside studying for SPM to scour the Indeed Job seeking app every once in a few days for a possible part-time job, and after contacting lots of people, I finally found a good prospect as a Christmas season sales promoter! The day after the final paper of my SPM was a hectic one – no time to sleep, go for outings or watch korean drama like my friends had planned – as my father rushed me to take a tour around my potential campus, and then to my first job interview, both on the very day after sitting for my final SPM paper. But it was filled with sweat and laughter – we were finally occupied with something other than preparing for exams.

For now, I feel content to spend my long awaited post-SPM freedom working as a temporary full-time sales promoter, and meeting all sorts of people as I work. There are a lot of barriers that I strive to overcome within myself everyday, and although the process is excruciatingly slow, there is progress. I am going to make the most out of my time here working with this company. My hope is that when my time with these people ends, I can still fill my time with exciting plans that will enrich myself and push past my boundaries.

What stage of life are you at? How have you been spending your time during the holidays or your sem breaks to prepare for the next stage in life, big or small? Tell me about it down below, I can’t wait to hear about it!